A Husband’s Perspective
This goes out to everyone who thinks they can’t take it anymore, living with someone who is living with IC. I’ve heard of spouses leaving because they couldn’t take it anymore. Take what? Complaining of pain a few times a day? Don’t you realize they are in pain way more than a few times? They just felt close enough to share this difficult part with someone that they felt was there for them. They thought you were strong like concrete and yet you prove to be as tough as a wet slice of bread. Last night my wife made me the most amazing dinner, and I mean incredible! In all honesty, as amazing as it was, I would have been just as happy if it was a PB&J sandwich. Not because I like PB&J that much, but because I know how much she went through to make such a meal. The issue I have is that some selfish person can’t handle being with someone who is not at their best. To me that’s just shallow and pathetic! I know it’s tough sometimes to deal with. I also know that when she lashes out verbally or gets an attitude with me, it can grind my gears. I also know that I can’t take it personally! I focus on the fact that it’s not her talking or yelling or complaining, it’s the IC. I may have to wait a week, or an hour, or a day, or a month…but no matter how long it is, I will wait; and if for a brief moment that person I fell in love with shows up, I will be here! And when the flare is present for hours, or days, or weeks I will continue to hold on to that memory of her at her best, because deep inside she’s still that person just wrapped up in a painful flare.
Yes, she drives me crazy, but most of that driving is IC. She is caring and loving and while she’s in a flare, I can show that I am caring and loving. Anyone can be caring during a great time, but during the lows, that’s when you show your real strength! If I can’t be here for her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best! So I remain the strong, patient, caring and loving husband to a woman living with chronic pain. Never will I give up on her. I remember having a kidney stone for a week when I could barely move from the couch, and yet she took care of me. I couldn’t imagine going through that pain several days a week for months and years on end…and yet she deals with this level of pain all the time. I was as productive as a 270 pound paperweight when I had my stones. I stayed on the couch curled like a fetus. She, on the other hand, is always pushing herself to do more. Her strength through her pain isn’t just amazing…it’s an example! The man that leaves such a woman is doing so out of cowardice because he knows he could never be that strong if the roles were reversed. If he was in chronic pain, he couldn’t shine like her. When I said I do, I meant forever regardless of chronic pain and sickness! I will always be here for you. You never have to worry when it comes to me loving you. Like I said, “if a man isn’t willing to be with you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best!”
I am so thankful for the woman that my God has blessed me with, Stacie Schoch. It may seem like a tough road but I wouldn’t want to go anywhere else with anyone else except you! I am sharing these thoughts because I am aware that there are people out there who have incredible healthy lives and they still don’t have this kind of love, for them I feel pity. I am just thankful that what we have is so strong.